hotel room ftw
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
