im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
