I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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