If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize