can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
