guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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