god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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