Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
