If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
