My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
