I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
