Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
