I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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