the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
