shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
