that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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