my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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