Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
