I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize