sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
