Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
