he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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