I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
