I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
