part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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