i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
