my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
