conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
