I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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