I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
ttyl tear gas
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
