My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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