Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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