I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
