She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
