Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
