We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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