Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
