the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
