it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
