i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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