I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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