I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
