i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
