it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
