i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
