It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize