Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
