Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
