fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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