There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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