he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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