i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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