I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
