I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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