Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
