Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
