You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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