Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
