just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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