every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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