some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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