i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
