A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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