dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
