so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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