After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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