i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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