I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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