Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm passing your future prison.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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