this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
