What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
