I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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