I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
