So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
