dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
