I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
