I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
