Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
