I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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