I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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