Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
