i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
