I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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