i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
