Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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