did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
