Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
