the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it hurts more in the daytime
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
