We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
