i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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