I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize