i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
