Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
