Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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