I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
