I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
