you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
