All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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