You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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