Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
