I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
