How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
