i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
