The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
