thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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