Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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