I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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