i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
