Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
