there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
