You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
