she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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